Who are you ?

It is strange how one topic leads to another. I think that is very good because then you know that the minds are churning positive thoughts . And when such churnings happen , then there is definite evolution of  a new mindset . During Leadership class , one of the students raised a question about Emotional Intelligence (EI). Some of the participants were of the opinion that EI was all about dealing with our own emotions only . The justification being that we can change only ourselves and not others . This argument is 100% true . However , from a broader perspective , EI also involves others.

While we learn to manage our own feelings , we also must learn to understand the thinking .  feelings , emotions and reactions of others. Being emotionally intelligent means to explore the workings of our own mind and develop an ability  to adjust / regularise /control our own emotions effectively with others . On the other hand we also learn to empathise with the thoughts , emotions, feelings and actions of another person . Understanding the emotions of another person is an art. It is a delicate process. Stepping into the shoes of the opposite party is not easy . Understanding , why certain people do what they do , requires us to be unbiased in our perceptions of that person . To fully empathise with another,  we must let go of our ego self. Drop our preconceived notions and ideas about that person . It requires us to let go of our thoughts and feelings , which we may have acquired during the course of our interactions or experiences ( both positive as well as negative ) ,  with that person . We must learn to detach our emotions with the person or any incident involving that person . We must be ready to forgive . We must let go without passing judgement . We must put aside our personal agendas involving that person .

The next  obvious turn in the course of the conversation was how can we do this with our loved ones ? Especially those we are really close to . And those whom we have to deal with  24/7 or on a daily basis . Being emotionally in control of our own emotions AND understanding the emotions of people we are close to , is a tight rope walk . Lets see what actually happens in the case of dealing with them . When it comes to our near and dear ones , more often than not , we try to justify their actions and behaviours . Is this empathy ?  Does this mean we are handling the situation with emotional intelligence and understanding ? OR is it merely ‘excusing’ their behaviour because our love for them is supposed to triumph over everything else ? Or are we simply forced to ‘put up’ with their behaviour and attitude under the guise of forgiveness ? Or have we resigned ourselves to the belief that we are destined to bear the brunt of their actions because we do not have enough courage to speak our truth ? So , how do we handle them and the situation in an emotionally intelligent manner ?

Again , the answer is the same as given above . Detach . We must learn to detach our feelings and emotions involving that person , the situations and past experiences revolving around that person. Let go of your ego . Let go of your expectations . Let go of your sense of overt responsibilities for their behaviour. Let go of the fear of offending them , hurting them . Let go of any associations of guilt . Let go of being possessive . Let go of the blinkers that we wear in the name of sacrifice and martyrdom . The key here would be to understand, empathise and detach . Not participate in the behaviour that causes grief or harm to others . Neither support the euphoria of their negative actions . Nor contribute towards the growth of such behavioural patterns .

Easier said than done . I agree . But not impossible . Emotional Intelligence is after all , about being true to your own self. Living your soul qualities . It is who YOU are . Come , let’s find ourselves .

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