During an emotional intelligence workshop, the discussion steered towards the largely debatable adage – As Within, So Without. Simply put, this maxim says that, what we see in others, in fact, exists in us. And that is why we are able to spot it and more often than not it bothers us. So quintessentially, we are actually, in fact, bothered by it, because we possess that bothersome quality at some level within ourselves. So going by this saying, if we see anger in another person, at some level the anger is existing within us too. To share a very personal experience, of late, I had been seeing a lot of behavioural lapses in my daughter. Similarly when I visited the gym, I found that my personal trainer too wasn’t giving his 100% to his work. And the I was approached by this client who came in for a consultation and healing session, for not being able to pin point the path that he wished to choose for his future growth. In all the three cases the performance of these people was taking a beating. On further insights, it was revealed that the core issue of all the three cases was – feeling of not being good enough. My daughter felt the no matter how much good work she did, it just did not get appreciated. My personal trainer too was feeling rejected and low on self-esteem. My client was feeling torn between material concerns and his dreams when it came to choosing a career path. The result in All these three cases was that it kept them form giving their best in whatever they were now doing. Bottomline – they all felt there ere worthless !

AHA ! Here comes the litmus test now. The question I now posed to myself was – What is it in me, that is attracting people with this feeling to me ? Well, So I did introspect to see if the same feeling was within me? On the surface, it did not seem so. Because I am successful therapist , in my own right. I exude confidence through my appearance. I speak well for myself. I am doing good work. Well, there is no reason why I should feel that I am not good enough! However, on deeper thought, I was able to see where it was coming from.

It definitely is a case of As Within, So Without! People see me as an achiever but I see lapses in my achievement. I see rejection where I was not accepted. I feel torn between material comforts and wanting to follow my dream of spreading love, healing and spiritual awareness. Sometimes, indeed I feel, am not doing enough. Hence, I am not good enough to do everything that I would ideally want to do! Now the Question is ..Why ?

On further introspection… it all seemed to boil down to – comparison with others. Others who are at a higher position than me. However, if I step out of my own self and look at myself as an outside observer, I realise that I need to compare myself ONLY to MY self. I need to focus on the journey I have made from the incompetent ME to the confident, self-sufficient person that I AM TODAY ! But instead, I was looking at others who are more successful in those fields of works, of which I was not even a participant or competitor. So you see, this incompleteness within me led me to feel troubled on seeing certain people around me, who were behaving incompetent and not performing to their best potential. And because it was in me when I saw it I others too. And that’s why it bothered me when I saw others performing way below their competence level. Once I came to this realisation, I was much more focused on my line of work. I gave my 100% to everything did from thereon. And guess what – now am so busy doing work that is fulfilling and worthwhile, that I simply don’t have the time to look up all those famed people and waste my time feeling smaller than them.

WE all make mistakes from time to time. We are so captivated with the outside that we forget to look deeper. New Year resolutions are classic example of this. Most of us at the time of giving up our resolutions, have a tendency to blame situations and people around us. Remember , projecting a confident image is necessary in today’s world and we all must take care how we present ourselves to others. However, if we lack the inner strength, then the projection we have created remains just a facade.

Lesson learned – Look within yourself. Change your self-image. Respect yourself. Appreciate yourself. Love yourself. Make the right choices and watch life take a bounding leap of success into the future. Make Life Beautiful – Inside-Out !

Think – what is it that bothers you about others? IS it just them ? Or is it somewhere within you too?

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